Confessions of a Teenage Slut

6 Mar

A guest post from Tara.

I’ve always been a very sexual person. In high school, when all of my friends were worried about what people would think when they finally lost their virginities, I was bragging publicly about my latest conquest. My thought process was hey, if the guys can boast about the girls they have bedded, and they do, so can I. Thus began my love affair with making people feel uncomfortable with a female being so open with her sexuality.

Losing my virginity was average. I was 16 years old with my then boyfriend, it was quick and painful but I was proud. I was proud to cross over the threshold from girlhood to womanhood. I was proud to share this milestone with anyone (besides my parents) who would listen, and so was he. However, I quickly leaned that sex turns teenage girls in to sluts and teenage boys into men. I grappled with this idea for a few weeks. How can sex be a positive masculine activity while simultaneously silencing feminine voices? What was my place? How something be so dominant in our society but I, not my boyfriend, couldn’t even talk about it? I was perplexed to say the least.

I was supposed to be ashamed, I was suppose to keep quiet, I was suppose to keep my legs closed. Contrary to cultural criticism, I fell in love with the notion of being slut. I fell in love with the control I had over my sexuality and my sex life, the control over my body. When I broke up with the guy I lost my virginity to I began sleeping around, I was often the topic of conversation. When people would ask me how many people I’ve slept with to try to embarrass me, I’d just reply with more than zero, less that 100 (which is still my standard answer). My classmates tried to make my sexuality define who I was, I just chalked it up to cultural naïveté.

Today it bothers me that slut is a bad word not only because of the general negativity towards women, but because men are hardly ever labeled as sluts. Pleasure isn’t a man’s game nor is it a breeder’s game. The juxtaposition between the our sex obsessed society, the accessibility of pornography and all that is great with the world and the sexual repression of women is embarrassing to say the least. Women can be half naked on billboards to sell a car but a woman breastfeeding in an airport is repulsive? When I watch the news with my parents all too often I see commercials for Viagra so old men can keep having sex, but the moment I mention that birth control should be free I’m in the wrong? If I even mention that I’ve had to take emergency contraception because of a broken condom people automatically judge me but don’t even care about the man I was with.

Even in college people attempt vilify me as a slut, but honestly, what’s wrong with my actions? I’m safe, responsible, and I know what I’m doing. I should be the least of your worries. Stop waging a culture war against me.

Tara is a 20-year-old college student living in Westchester, NY. She’s majoring in calling out the flaws within society and changing the world.

7 Responses to “Confessions of a Teenage Slut”

  1. Nappie Dee March 6, 2012 at 7:25 pm #

    Wow. Wow. At the start of your post, I was ready to hate you. By the time you lost your virginity, I was totally with you. Thanks, excellent piece.

  2. aMuseandAngels March 7, 2012 at 9:38 am #

    What you are is Sex-Positive. Good for you.🙂

    PS- Thanks for noticing the breastfeeding hypocisy
    PPS- You might want to rethink the the term “breeder”. It casts women who choose motherhood in a negative light.

  3. Oubli March 7, 2012 at 1:24 pm #

    LOL, where I come from breeder isn’t a term of derision but a term my gay friends use to describe straight people. When were pregnant with our first daughter, the gay male couple we told first got misty eyed and said, “The breeders are breeding!” They rubbed my belly affectionately all throughout my pregnancy and have babysat my daughter many times. I just don’t consider it a negative term.

  4. Tara March 7, 2012 at 1:54 pm #

    Oubli, that was the context that I meant. Thank you for your positive responses!

  5. aMuseandAngels March 10, 2012 at 3:58 pm #

    Whenever I’ve encountered “breeder” in conversation, or in text, it has been a term of derision or unintentionally condescending.
    However, if you are taking the word back that is awesome. I’m a big fan of reowning the power behind dehumanizing language until the word is reduced to something inocuous or becomes positive.

    Again, good for you for being sex-positive!🙂
    And thank you for recognizing the sexist and anti-child attitude in our culture surrounding breastfeeding.

  6. Joshua Rosemann June 25, 2012 at 5:40 pm #

    I think you hit the nail on the head girl, i think every female should be like you. Sex is awesome and girls that think its bad are freakin stupid…guys love it an brag…girls love it,then have to feel bad so they dont truly release there inner feelings…the world is bullshit!!!. Thank you for being you!
    -Josh

  7. Anonymous Male July 14, 2012 at 2:06 pm #

    Hi.

    I liked this piece generally quite a lot, and I agree with you on most terms. I’d like to expand upon the reason for WHY I believe women are unfairly chastised for having many partners, whereas men are applauded and congratulated. It isn’t fair by any means, but it’s what I believe is the psychological motivation behind it.

    In today’s modern world, women are the sole holders of sexual power. I’ve heard women deny this vehemently many times over, though I’d like to think it’s the fact that they usually prefer sex where they have been mentally or visually stimulated to be as important as the sex act itself. That’s a sweepign stroke of generalization, but it’s generally what the women I know have cited as important factors.

    Men are the chasers, they must hunt, fight, slave, seduce , compete against other men, and it is generally assumed that to attract partners into bed, you must be able to perform a variety of sexual acts, perform oral well, have a good endurance and not finish prematurely… the list is extensive. Women are free to pick and select whomever they wish, most of the time.

    With that in mind, the ability to “get” sex(in a society where we sadly, rate and think about numbers of partners way, way too much to begin with. It’s irrelevant, in my opinion) is comparatively easier for a woman, generally speaking, than it is a man. This is compounded by the general impression that women are delectable and more specific in their tastes about men, whereas men are generally(everything here is subjective) more “do=/=don’t” about their own gauging of sexual interests.

    I don’t point this out as any valid justification for an unfair part of our society, but with educating ourselves about it, we are more armed to combat the sexually-dysfunctional view the western modern society generally applies.

    Ironically enough, this kind of thinking that men can brag only damages our own ability, by proxy of other men, to get sex. Ironic and sad.

    Thanks for writing this piece. It’s illuminating, and I hope you are but the first of many to express this, Tana.

    With regards, fellow sex-positive student.

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