On the Other Side of Healthcare

21 Dec

Last week, I made an appointment to have an IUD inserted. And I’m nervous as hell.

I work in abortion services. Granted, not as medical staff, but I still deal with women’s reproductive health in some capacity every day that I work. I talk about, think about, listen to people talk about it. I can describe the surgical abortion process in my sleep. I make it my business to learn as much as I can about safe sex and birth control, mostly so I can be a reliable resource to my friends (but also so that I can be good at my job). So I was surprised to find my hand shaking as I dialed the number of the sexual health clinic.

My history with birth control is relatively short, and not super positive. I started on the pill six years ago, and it has never been anything but a headache for me. I had very regular, pain-free periods before I went on it, but it turned my monthly visit into a cramp-y nightmare. Much worse than that was the effect it had on my moods. I can’t really describe the fog of weepy, crushing depression I lived in for five years, except to say that when I stopped taking the pill last year it was as if a great black cloud was swept from my life.


Since then, I have been using condoms only, which makes me nervous as all get out. I have wanted to have an IUD inserted for a while, but I have no family doctor and was living in a province where, since I am over 25 years old and not a student, there was nowhere else I could go to have it inserted (or even to get a pap test).

Now I am living in Toronto, a city I love for many reasons, not least of all the amazing access to health care I suddenly have. So you would think I would be excited to pick up the phone and make that appointment. But my voice shook as I talked to the woman on the other line, and my hand was shaking as I tried to read out the numbers on my health card. Because the thing is, I’m scared of doctors. I’m nervous about having the IUD put in. The thought of the procedure gives me a great deal of anxiety. And this experience is making me better at my job.

I remember now, as I talk to women on the phone trying to book their abortion appointments, what it feels like to contemplate lying on the table, feet in the stirrups, with a doctor who – let’s face it – is essentially a stranger, prying their way into your nether regions. I slow down a little, I let them shuffle around for their health card without rolling my eyes. When they come into the admitting office, I let them talk without interruption, even though I have already told them they will be speaking to a counsellor next.

Women are human, on both ends of the appointment line. Most of us would prefer not to have to have our cervix dilated by strangers. We are nervous sometimes. But it’s important for those of us who work in healthcare to remember what it feels like to be on the other side of it, even if we do see twenty cases a day, or a hundred cases a day. Medicine needs to have a human face – and maybe abortion more than any other, because it is not always easy.

I love my work, because every day it allows me to discover a new way to trust women.

6 Responses to “On the Other Side of Healthcare”

  1. juliewashere88 December 21, 2010 at 3:13 pm #

    I just got my IUD placed on Nov 2, the same day my state of Colorado rejected PersonhoodCo’s Prop62, which could have banned it. I remember as my appointment and election date loomed, wondering what if 62 passed? Would I not get my IUD? Would I get a call back later to tell me I must have it removed?
    I’m super uncomfortable at the OB/GYN. I never even got examined there until I joined the Army at 18. I almost kicked the doctor in the face.
    Fortunately, IUD insertion takes only a few minutes. You might want to bring a heat pad and ibuprofen though. It doesn’t feel great.
    Best of luck to you. I hope this works out better for you than your old method.

  2. JeninCanada December 21, 2010 at 3:24 pm #

    Thank you for sharing this and good luck with your IUD!

  3. Bryce December 21, 2010 at 4:12 pm #

    As someone who has gotten an IUD, I can attest that it is a difficult procedure — I had a very intense reaction that ended in vomiting and the worst cramping I’ve ever felt. My IUD was still very much worth it and I highly recommend it to other women (and I think my reaction was an anomaly, not the norm). But I have so much respect and appreciation for my OBGYN from how she helped me that day. Without a thought she called her husband (late on a Friday night) to cancel their plans and stayed with me, holding my hand and mopping my brow, until the worst of it was over and my boyfriend showed up to take me home. The dedication of doctors that tend to women’s reproductive needs is truly inspiring. It’s not a glamorous or well-paid job, but it is so vital and affects so many women’s lives. Thank you to all the hardworking providers out there! You mean so much.

  4. Alicia December 22, 2010 at 8:05 pm #

    Thank you so much for this. I’m just beginning the process to get an IUD and I’m terrified and excited. Your comment certainly has not made me less nervous, Bryce, but I really think, after a year of research, that this is the best choice for me.

  5. Elizabeth December 23, 2010 at 3:28 am #

    As an alternative perspective: I got an IUD in June after many years of doctors refusing (nulliparious, promiscuous blah blah). Yeah I had some cramping, but just for a day or so, and it’s been really wonderful.

    I was very nervous as well! But my experience was that it no worse than a pap smear (and no better!), and since then it has stayed put, has not bothered me, and the sex is great!

    I hope you do as well with it as I have done; it is different for everyone and I feel like for so many women finding the f.p. method that you love (or will tolerate) unfortunately can take yearrrrrs (and sometimes a few abortions). But anyways, the IUD can be extremely useful.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Tweets that mention On the Other Side of Healthcare  | Abortion Gang -- Topsy.com - December 21, 2010

    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Christian Prochoicer. Christian Prochoicer said: RT @abortiongang new post: On the Other Side of Healthcare http://j.mp/g0xTXz #prochoice [...]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: