I am Tired of my Uterus Being Used as a Political Football

16 Jul

I originally wrote this when I read this article in The Star but I feel this way pretty much everyday that I read anything posted by any one of the feminists I follow. I wish I was alone in feeling so defeated, but I know I am not.

I am so tired.
I am so tired of being told I am untrustworthy.
I am so tired of being told my dreams don’t matter.
I am so tired of being told that if I just “understood,” I’d never being pro-choice.
I am so tired of being told I am stupid, selfish, ignorant of the facts, going to regret my choice; a monster.
I am so tired of men telling me what I can/’t do with my body.
I am so tired of my body being used for political gain.
I am so tired of being told how I should feel.
I am so tired of religion being imposed on me.
I am so tired of wondering every day if this is the day I lose my autonomy.
I am so tired of knowing that the life of something not even in existence has more value than my life.
I am so tired of my uterus being used as a political football.
I am so tired of having to fight for my right to decide.
I am so tired of being told my value to society is tied to my ability and willingness to create new life.
I am so tired of feeling defeated; of slipping two steps for every one I take; of the concessions I am told I should be making; of winning the battles only to face losing the war.
I am so tired of being a woman.
I am so tired.

And I haven’t ever had to have an abortion.

6 Responses to “I am Tired of my Uterus Being Used as a Political Football”

  1. thiswoman July 16, 2010 at 9:09 pm #

    It pisses me off to no end that I feel this way sometimes – especially that I’m tired of being a woman. Isn’t that just terrible?

  2. Rachel July 16, 2010 at 9:57 pm #

    I’ve had an abortion.

    I’m tired too.

    But… I’m also still alive. Which means there’s always more work to do. More women to support, more women to celebrate, more women… to trust.

    For every person who has told me that I am untrustworthy… I have encountered so many more who are open-hearted and offer me their vulnerability, who trust me with their hearts.

    For every person who has told me to abandon the dream of reproductive justice in favour of something more ‘achievable’… I have clasped the hand of a friend who has said that what we do matters so much. That is a dream come true.

    I’ve swallowed the truth of my experience, and hidden it from people who don’t deserve to be entrusted with my vulnerability. Sometimes it hurts, and other times, it’s a realization that I understand just well enough: I can choose not to martyr myself because someone chooses -not- to understand.

    I’m not a monster, I don’t regret my choice, I made a wise decision, and I still embrace life and give selflessly to those people that I love in my life.

    Men may tell me what to do with my body, and they may tell me how to live. Women do that too. But. I. Am. Alive. So I will -live- as I am the only one who -can- live my life. And so I carry on in the face of those who wish that I would stop.

    My body may be used by some for political gain that runs against what I believe in. And yet, my body is still powerful. It can take up space; my lungs draw in breath, and I shout to my sisters, “Off the sidewalks, and into the streets”; my legs bless me with moments of tirelessness, and I can run. Into the arms of those who love me, or away from those who would hurt me.

    I’m tired of religion being imposed on me as well. But I know that in the face of that imposition, I believe things that are more powerful than those half-truths being thrown in my face.

    I hate waiting to see what a group of people, whom I’ve never met, and who don’t care about me, will decide in my stead. I, too, loathe the feeling of wondering what will happen… But in the meantime, I dance, I walk, I shout, I take the hands of my sisters, I erupt with laughter, I live my life. I am anything but still. So when it comes time to really move, I’m already on my feet.

    I’m not just a uterus. I’m not just a person to be put aside for the sake of my plumbing. I know this. I am fortunate, because there are many around me who remind me of this every day. Sometimes it only takes a smile.

    Sometimes, like you, I am tired of being a woman. I’m tired of negotiating careless throwaway comments, I’m tired of always having to “make that argument (again),” I’m tired of men undermining my feminism rather than calling out their own patriarchal beliefs. Speaking from my Canadian perspective… I am tired of looking at this world and seeing $10 billion spent on throwing vulnerable bodies into temporary detention centers and buying world-destroying war-machines rather than feeding the hungry, building shelter for the vulnerable, healing this earth that we have decimated. I’m tired of the careless pushes because I’m small, I’m tired of the sexualized glances because I’m a woman of colour, I’m tired of being afraid of the police. Those days — these days! — I’m -really- tired of being a woman.

    But when I’m tired… My answer is rest. You’re not alone. And you’re not alone in your fatigue… Take my hand, take any of our hands. We’re not alone, you’re not alone, we’ll carry you just for a moment, until you find that energy again.

    In solidarity, always.

  3. Shayna July 19, 2010 at 4:48 pm #

    Brilliantly well put — And I agree.

    I am so tired of my ability to make decisions for myself being anything other than an inalienable right.

  4. Amanda July 19, 2010 at 6:00 pm #

    It’s because of posts like this that I feel so driven. It isn’t right that women feel this way and the reason that I choose to get involved in feminism and become an activist is so that I can do my best to make sure that the future women of this country don’t have to feel this way.

  5. Not Guilty July 20, 2010 at 12:48 pm #

    It is very frustrating. I agree, because I feel this way, it means there is still much work to be done. That is what helps me push through the hate of the antis. I don’t want my friend’s 2 little girls to feel this way. I want them to grow up, assured of their right to control their reproduction. I’ve mailed this to Canada’s Dear Leader, King Stephen to remind him of how his policies make women in Canada feel. There are days that I wish I was still living in ignorance, thinking my rights were assured and safe…

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. When You’re Feeling Tired… « - July 16, 2010

    […] 16, 2010 in Uncategorized In response to Not Guilty, whose sentiments I often […]

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